Do Not Open Until December 25

Happy Christmas, y'all.

Call McCarthy!

There are Commie pinkos running around, and one lives in RWC and drives a Honda Odyssey minivan.

For reals, y'all.

I saw this driving home from (the last day before holidays oh blessed day) school today.

And if someone else reads something different, don't tell me. I like my version better.

I Am Myself Again

I think you might have to know lyrics to Blue Rodeo songs to catch that reference, but no matter. Tonight, for the first time in years, literally years, I finished a book in one sitting. This is something I used to be able to do with barely a ruffle; two small children and various life folderol have obviously thrown a wrench in that phenomenon. Over the last few years, I would find myself sitting like a zombie on the couch after the dinner/bath/bed routine was done, staring at something inane on television, usually while trawling mindlessly through various websites; certainly I had also been in contact with the real world through IM or email at the same time, but for some reason, I simply could not bestir myself to actually sit down with a book before the standard pre-bedtime reading ritual that must be the last to go.

It didn't hurt that tonight's novelty was an iconic page turner of a book; still, I can't help but feel that some not quite missing, but certainly set aside part of me has finally come back. I really don't know how long this will last, but for now...for now it feels pretty good.

Here's How To Encourage Religion

Freaking hilarious

LolCatBible

Ten Years

It was a good run of luck, but it ran out today.

Jury summons. Sigh. Part of me gritches like everyone else, and part of me feels like a jerk for doing so. I taught social studies, for chrissakes: tried to impress upon multitudes of adolescents the importance and privilege of the jury system.

The biggest suck is that I can't even really pull the nursing mother card anymore. Even if I did, it's only for another year.

Heather's Christmas wish: to get rejected on January 15, 2008. Everyone pull with me.

Why Heathers Should Not Nap

Or maybe why they should. After the mad, but quite successful Holiday Party Bonanza '07 culminated last night with our "Happy Whatevs" standard boozeup with a modicum of nibblies, I found myself not in the least bit hungover today (side bennie to being the busy hostess), but freaking exhausted. Gene wrangled weasels for me this afternoon and kindly shooed me into bed about 2:45PM for what I assumed would probably only be an hour long nap, hour and a half, tops. Turned into a three hour dead to the world stretch, waking with a start at 5:50 PM --- at which point I was utterly convinced it was 5:50 AM, which caused a strange level of panic. I ran upstairs fully expecting to find the kids...doing what? I had no idea, and couldn't quite believe they had all stayed up all night, but dudes -- completely disoriented. They were, of course, happily playing and chilling out with Gene, one had had dinner, one was getting close to needing it, and all three were a little startled to see me burst into the den like a crazy woman and demanding to know what the hell time of day it actually was. I believe I also did not have any pants on, which probably only added to the charming experience.

Fiver

This one is for my BFF, Julie. Who frequently teases me, when I gritch about having to pack lunch every day for Bean, "just give her five bucks...or peanut butter on a playing card".

Well, this morning, I gave her five bucks. Supposed to have therapy today, which means I pick her up early, which means I don't bother with packing lunch, therapist calls to cancel at 7:40, we have to be out the door at 7:55, Peabo wasn't up yet, dogs weren't walked -- you see the trajectory. Her teacher/aides are happy to get her something in the cafeteria since they are all in there eating lunch anyway, and hey, it's a change of pace for the Bean. I have to say though, I definitely feel like she's in for real school now and I'm one of those frazzled mothers with the half-brushed hair. I even had to take dry cereal and a sippy cup of milk along for Peabo to have breakfast in the car.

Good news is, it did make me laugh. And then I had my coffee, and all was well.

Reasons I Wish Maybe I Were Jewish

Endless strands of spectacularly dead Christmas lights vs one menorah.

Also, this car, seen in downtown Mountain View last night:

It's a Juick.

Life With Toddler, Part The First

When you find yourself using toilet paper that has been wadded up and stuffed back between the holder and the wall, as it was a key component of an earlier game of "how many yards of this stuff can I spin out before dragging it out the door on my knees as something else outside the bathroom grabs my interest".

When also you spend a regular part of each day closing kitchen cupboard doors that apparently needed to be opened.

More Snert

I feel ever so faintly guilty laughing at these pictures as hard as I have been, because kids' fears aren't trivial, but the whole freaking out on Santa's lap is just SO ICONIC. And some of the Santas are actually a bit off looking, I'll admit. We have at least one picture of Bean looking a bit concerned on Santa's lap, but no screaming, come to think of it. Peabo slept through last year's photo op, as she wasn't much more interactive than a potted plant. I think Bean was smiling, but I'll be honest, I can't remember much of what happened last week, let alone last year. We'll see what we can do this year: maybe we'll have the inestimable joy of uploading our own DO NOT WANT SANTA photo.

Snert

I have always had rather an affection for gargoyles and, absent allergies, cats. This picture kind of made my day:

Thanks to ICHC

This Week's Gallery of the Curious

I was up to 2 odd sightings yesterday and wondering where to get the third, and lo and behold, out for dinner in Palo Alto and I saw it. The universe is good, sometimes.

1) At least five, possibly six crows hopping around a front lawn in Redwood City on our school run. Just hanging out. But...ominously. Wouldn't that freak you out a bit, to look out your front window and see a murder of crows pecking around? Then again, maybe they were the pets of the resident(s). In which case...I'm still freaked out. When I was teaching, the bike cage was right outside my classroom and there was this crow (possibly a progenitor of said murder? Trippy....) who would perch on top and just...stare. At me. In my classroom. It was exceedingly disconcerting.

2) Lakeshore Pony Baseball: seen as a sticker on a truck window. Now, I really had to think about this one a bit. Is it baseball on ponies? American polo, if you will? Is it ponies playing baseball? Is it baseball for the entertainment of ponies? These are valid questions, people.

3) A man riding a penny farthing down University Avenue in Palo Alto. With halogen lights wrapped around the structural bits. It was rather surreal, and yet, utterly cheer-inducing.

So, there you have it. Not the strangest of the strange, but strange enough, and I have to say, I have had more and more of these experiences, where over the course of a day or two, I see a handful of really...weird...things. Should I be paranoid?

Also -- Radio Hanukkah on XM Satellite Radio. I am inordinately pleased with this fact. The music is the schlockiest of schlock, but that just makes it all that much better. Eight crazy nights of this! Oh. I feel bad now. For the people in Mountain Time, they are singing the blessing over the candles. I think Y-H-W-H might strike me down. Heh. Now it's "Hanukkids!!. The gelt is singing to us.

I am in love.

Update: So even I can't listen to Hanukkids all night long, but! I did find a box of potato pancake mix in the cupboard, and jerry rigged some applesauce (from...real apples), threw on some plain yogurt and voila! Goyishe latkes! I even remembered all the words to "S'vivon". We then lit candle one on the Advent wreath, and ate chocolate from the Advent calendar. Nothing but diversity and religious plurality around here, folks.