Uhhh

I have mentioned before that I tend not to read pregnancy websites/message boards this time around, primarily because, well, they're boring. I like to reread favorite books and re-watch favorite movies, but I have little to no interest in revisting the narcissistic navel gazing that I indulged in first time around; still, every so often I plug in for amusement's sake, or to make sure that my 8 lbs of weight gain in a month isn't *completely* off base (no real satisfactory answer to that one, alas, but it hasn't reoccurred, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed). I checked the fascist healthy healthy eat lots of veggies and don't even LOOK at a milkshake one, and noticed on my little "personalized pregnancy timeline" that I have 97 days to go until my due date.

Ninety-seven days. For some reason, 3 months feels like forever, 13 weeks perhaps a little easier to swallow, but 97 days? Less than 100 days? That, my friends, is cause for a loud HOLY SHIT?! Where did the last six months go? Oh yeah, into the 4 year old. Heh. I'm definitely starting to understand some of the motivation for having second, third, fourth children...you don't even realize you're having them until something brings you up short. Like the thought that in less than 100 days, we will have two children.

On a less panicky note, Bean started her new preschool class today, and she had a blast. I wasn't sad, exactly, as I drove off, but was curiously deflated feeling. As much as I've looked forward to this day for the last two months, it was still a little tough to leave her at a "real" elementary school, no matter that she isn't technically even IN school yet, insofar as we tend to think of it. But we can buy a Selby Lane tshirt or sweatshirt for her, if we want. It will be three sizes too big, I have no doubt, but I admit there is a small part of me that is sort of charmed by the thought. The preschoolers aren't constrained by the school uniform rules (nothing big, just white collared shirts and navy or khaki pants, shorts, or skirts), but it's "optional". Even just having the "optional" option makes this feel like a much huger step than last year's cozy, self-contained, devoted to special needs preschool building. It's probably seeing all the bigger kids running around too that brings it into sharper focus. And they are so BIG compared to her.

I didn't cry. But I felt a bit like someone had put my heart on a shelf and said "come back and get it in 3 hours".